I have always wanted to write whether it be a page of my feelings, a book about my life or just a simple blog. So I start this blog as a way of expressing my feelings, my fears and to help me work through the issues I face day to day.
I am 31 years old yet I feel as if I have lived a lifetime. The things I have been through and the issues I have faced make my 31 years feel like 100 years. I have a loving husband of 4 years (together for 13 years) and a very cheeky and adorable 9 1/2 month old baby girl who fills my life with absolute joy everyday.
As I sit here on my own, which is usual occurrence as shift work keeps me and my husband apart most of the time and Bub is asleep and fingers crossed for the entire night! I reflect on what has me wanting to talk about ‘learning to love me?
Is it the fact that I am 31, or that I struggle to look at myself in a full length mirror or that I am tired of feeling as though I am not attractive anymore now that I have had a baby and my body is a bit worse for wear, more than it was before falling pregnant?
All this is what I think about on a daily basis and when I am sitting at home while my baby sleeps and the other half is at work, sounds boring, annoying and more than likely sad but not in a - awwww sad way, but a ‘sad’ stupid way!
I do wonder some days - am I depressed?, do I suffer from depression? or is it the insecurities and the lack of confidence in my relationships that causes me to question every little detail and read further into things. Oh and when I say things I mean absolutely everything!
Ok that is a little over the top but just trying to build the picture.
I am slowly getting there though as this week was the start of the new me and this is the me that will try and bring romance and affection back into my relationship with my Husband something that has been missing for way too long. It is also the week to get fit and start running.
My goal is set now to achieve it!